On a break from work today I called my mother to see how she was doing. Normally I wouldn’t post something like this, but this conversation was a gold mine of hilarity.
Regarding my brother watching the house for a week….
Me: Hey Mom, how are you? I heard you were going on a week-long retreat with dad on Friday.
Mom: I am, but your brother is watching the house so I will be a nervous wreck all weekend.
Me: Why? He’s 23 now. I think he can take care of the house for a week.
Mom: The last time he was left by himself he caused a flue fire, flooded the laundry room and got into a car accident.
Me: He was also still in high school.
Mom: Mentally he still is in high school
On how California has “changed” me…
Mom: Your cousin said you were in a detox program?! Are you doing drugs?
Me: It’s a cleanse, just something to help purify your body. I’m not doing drugs, though some times I wish I was.
Mom: Well I think moving to California has really changed you. Since you’ve been living out there you don’t come home as often, you have a blog or whatever and you are going to detox. I just don’t want you to become some New Age freegan*.
Me: I’m not going to detox, mother. It’s not like I’m visiting a center, it is just something I’m doing to feel better.
Mom: What about this blog?
Me: What about it? It’s nice for me to have an outlet to write about my life since it can be rather stressful.
Mom: I see. You better not put anything about our family on this blog of yours, I don’t want to end up all over the internet.
My mothers thoughts on my new house…
Me: I’m still planning on moving in the first week of July.
Mom: I still can’t believe you bought a house because it has an elevator.
Me: No, I didn’t want the elevator. I loved everything about the house except the elevator.
Mom: You should just take the elevator out..
Me: That would be really expensive and I don’t think I want to go through that with the construction crews either.
Mom: Well, don’t let the elevator make you lazy.
Her thoughts on my diet…
Me: It was nice to see my cousin, we had fun while she was here. I was able to talk to her about some of the issues she has been dealing with as well.
Mom: She told me that while she was there you didn’t bake any cookies, buy ice cream, cook any meals with meat and you didn’t prepare any pierogi!
Me: Well I was on my detox diet mom, plus I try not to eat like that.
Mom: You don’t want to be too skinny, Polish boys don’t like skinny girls. They are used to hearty Slavic girls!
I love my mother. She is endlessly entertaining and I wish I got to visit her more often.
*I have no idea where my mother learned about freeganism, but I find it hilarious that she believes California might turn me into one.