Buying a life

The offer I made on a house here in Hermosa Beach was accepted, the details are pending and I am set to move in the first week of July. The house is beautiful and it boasts a gorgeous view of Hermosa Beach. It is definitely more than I need, but I did not want to settle. When my realtor walked me through it and showed me the expansive rooms, I instantly fell in love. Now I am worried that the expansiveness will feel lonely and cold without someone to share it with. I have to buy even more furniture just to make the house appear “lived in” and “like a home and not a house.”

I don’t think that reality has actually hit me yet, I still believe that I can just move back to New York anytime I want. I debated on buying a house here in California for a long time and I’m not sure why. I still can not picture myself here, but perhaps when I actually sleep in my home I will start to wake up to the realization that I have another 3.5-4 years here.

The thought of living in California forever still terrifies me. I have been here for over a year and I am just now coming to terms with the fact that this is my home. Everyone assumes that I have made friends here, just like I did in NYC. This is not the case and I am not sure when I will actually have the time to form a “social circle.” Thankfully my cousin lives just outside of Los Angeles, making it a short commute to actually spend time with someone I know. She has quickly fallen in love with California and some of her friends have become acquaintances of mine as well. When I have asked her if she is planning on staying in California she is all smiles and yeses.

I, however, can not picture myself staying in California past my contract date and have been counting the days until I can return to the East coast. I fear that I am too sullen and serious for the West coast, though I am not even sure if that is at all possible. The warm, sunny weather annoys me and I know that I will crave the brisk autumn weather that I loved in New York. As much as I miss NYC, I know that I need to get over the fact that I want to be there and make the most of living in Los Angeles.

However, I need to realize that I am purchasing and cultivating a life here and that all of this can be transplanted to a new location when I have completed my work. Perhaps the reason I have been so sullen is because I continue to live across the country instead of just enjoying the view I will soon have.

This view is from the rooftop of the house

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